Many questions I know will arise so I will try and answer them here, but if you have any questions please e-mail me at:
Mindy is concerned people will be angry or thinking they have lied...sad that they even have to worry about that, but sometimes there are a few of those jerks out there.
So what does this mean. I don't know. Since the beginning of Taylor's diagnosis I have been a very angry person. People kept telling me to pray, have faith in God.
I will confess here, I tried, but really did not have my heart in it. My Mom recently after the first clear MRI a few weeks ago kept telling me I had to have faith, I had to trust God. My reply was angry "God does not exist! I am sick of all this crap that God is testing us, that we need to trust. If he is supposed to be like a parent than how can he do this. Don't tell me that a parent would teach their child in this type of suffering. NO PARENT would EVER allow a child to suffer like this!"
As you can see I just have been to resistant. One of the reasons that we got HOPE instead of Faith tattoo's was because faith is linked to God...we just did not believe.
Okay so rewind this story. Shortly after Taylor's birth my good friend Shaundell tells me this story ...now remember we have gone through highs and lows, Taylor being clear, Taylor getting tumours. So Shaundell was over for a visit and she says "I need to tell you this story". On the day of Taylor's first surgery September 16th, 2008 these men were wandering around outside her store. She being the nosey girl she is was like "I gotta find out whats going on with these guys ." They were wearing robes and funny hats...obviously NOT blending in! They eventually came in her store. She of course was asking them what they were up to. There were 2 monks from the Ukraine and a priest...they were here as they had been hearing about miracles that were happening here. Okay so I know I sound like I am full of crap, but this is the honest to GOD truth!! Shaundell told them about Taylor. I have known Shaundell forever, when Mindy was in grade 4 it was Shaundell who took her around WEM to sell chocolate covered almonds...bully Harry Rosen when the rich bastard was too cheap to buy a box! LMFAO So these monks and priest told Shaundell they would pray for her, that she would be a miracle baby. Well Taylor made it through the surgery, when we were so scared of what could potentially happen, remember she was 6 days old! It was a miracle they had even found the tumour.
So again last year, tumours back, etc. Priest was back, said they have continued to pray for Taylor. Again Taylor pulls through, surgery goes amazing yet again, radiation goes excellent no changes we can tell in Taylor, which was of course a HUGE fear...all the "what ifs". So when this all happened again this year, this horrible, crushing, rip my heart out diagnosis, Taylor is going to die, its going to be soon, my friend Shaundell says "I want to go hunt down that priest", he needs to pray for her. Low and behold on bloody November 22nd, Monday that Priest, Father Vasil walks in! Again Shaundell tells him about Taylor, again he says he will pray for her. November 23rd she had her MRI...today it came back clear! If you don't believe my tale you can go hear about it at Father Vasil's church this sunday as he told Shaundell he was going to speak about her. The Church is Alaska Orthodox Church at 9930 167st...may even just be cool to go!
Okay so trust me this is a hard pill to swallow. A few weeks ago I discussed with my husband all of this, the MRI with devastation followed by one that was clear. An MRI that completely baffled the medical field who all said "we have NEVER seen this happen before". Fred said "its the hand of Jude". I will let you look up Saint Jude if you don't know who he is so you can piece all this together. I am not sure, but I am starting to wonder if I am being given signs, signs that I do need to have faith, that I need more than hope....Ironically my Aunt Vi just brought back a book for me from her trip called "Questions from little hearts" which is to teach kids about God and answer some of their questions...hmmm
I cannot fully comprehend all of this. I am still struggling. Anyhow from what I can tell what happens next is the meeting on December 16th where the new game plan will be hashed over. The cancer is NOT considered gone, but at this point it does mean there is more time. I am going to guess that they may still want to continue MRI's every 3 months, followed eventually by MRI's every 6 months, and then progressively lengthened.
So remember we still need prayers, hopes and wishes. This MRI does not mean that this fight is not over, but it does mean we have won a small victory today! Going to share a poem my cousin Kim gave me as a teenager on a bookmark
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson, 1936
Don't forget we must thanks Saint Jude
THANK YOU SAINT JUDE, you have blessed us with a miracle
Looking at Taylors pictures and knowing that her light will continue to shine brings tears to my eyes: both for her and for her loved ones. As a pastors daughter with two parents who have terminal illnesses, I also struggle with my faith and religion issues. I dont know all the answers, but I do know this:
I don't know how or why or what, but miracles do happen. Faith exists in many forms and it starts with the simple belief that we cannot carry every hurt or manage every burden on our own. Start there and the rest of the journey will unfold.
I am happy you are considering your spirituality, no matter where it leads it must come to us personally. During Taylor's life I have grown to begin my own journey on figuring out what I believe. It is never easy, and I still struggle to find faith. There are many times prayer has led to something unexpected, and every time Taylor has been about to have an MRI I also make an extra plea on God to show me a sign he exists. Although time and again being shown "signs" I have a difficult time humbling myself and trusting in God. My biggest hurdle is humbleness, we must find a way to accept the fact we do not know all the answers, and at times God is showing us the way. The fundamental struggle of mankind is whether God deserves sovereignty, and humans cannot rule themselves but need God to rule us for our own good. Keep praying and hopefully you will find your own answers. Don't give up trying, it is never going to be easy. Love you Leah, give everyone hugs for me.
Here is some prayers to St. Jude as some food for thought
Sunday, November 28
27th SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST
Tone 2 (10th of Luke). Monk Martyr and Confessor Stephen the New of Mt. St. Auxentius, Martyrs Basil, Stephen, two Gregories, John, Andrew, Peter, Anna, and many others (767). Martyr Irenarchus and Seven Women Martyrs at Sebaste (303). St. Theodore, Archbishop of Rostov (1394). Martyrs Timothy and Theodore—Bishops; Peter, John, Sergius, Theodore, and Nicephorus—Presbyters; Basil and Thomas—Deacons; Hierotheus, David, Chariton, Socrates, Comasius, and Eusebius—Monks; and Etymasius, at Tiberiopolis (8th c.).
(a) 5:00 to 6:00 pm on Saturdays and after Vespers
(b) 9:10 to 9:30 am on Sundays as time permits
(c) By appointment during the week
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