Sunday, January 7, 2018

My Fears...

Taylor's School Picture this Year
So Taylor is super excited to be going back to school tomorrow. She is making a poster of her experience at the hospital, and her wish trip.

Taylor also wants to pink her hair and shave it off for Hair Massacre, so Mindy says she might get a team together. I will update this when I know more.

So what are my fears?

Taylor returning to school and becoming overwhelmed. Taylor is super hard on herself. She is very sensitive and wants to please. This can be a wonderful quality, but it also makes her extremely vulnerable. I worry that she will feel bad about herself, feel stupid. I know she is none of those things, but kids only compare themselves to others and want to be like everyone else, it breaks my heart. I so want her to enjoy school, but I worry, I fear...She has told me repeatedly how she needs to get back to school as she has missed so much. She worries she is going to be so far behind.

Kids at school will be mean or hurt her feelings. Kids are kids. I worry someone will say something about her weight, how she looks or moves. These are all things she is really self conscious about, one of the reasons I know she probably does not want pictures taken of herself. It has only been a few months, but she looks very different. She has put on weight, she is really puffy from the steroids, and she has a droopy left side of her face. She sometimes drools, and when she eats sometimes she has food coming out the left side of her face.

This may seem like silly small things to worry about, but I know these are things that Taylor worries about. I know it will wound her if kids make fun of her. Kids can be so cruel. In a perfect world, this would be a normal passage of time, something we could learn from...but we don't have time. It kills me. If I could shield her in a bubble, make her every moment joyous I would. Unfortunately the world does not work that way.

So please send my girls prayers and strength, hope and love. Be kind, and protect my girl.


Kathy Martel Sileno said...

Hopefully she has a teacher who will be sensitive to the situation and address the class if necessary. Sometimes asking each one in the class to sign up for a day to be Taylor's "helper" might work, if it doesn't make her uncomfortable. Most often kids scramble to want to help. Let us know how her day went.

Leah said...

Kathy, I agree. She had a great day back. The teachers, EA and all the staff were wonderful, as were the kids. I think its my own overthinking.